Whether you are in a new relationship , somewhere in the middle or have been together for years, communication and opening up can be something you may tend to avoid or it may come very natural to you. Throughout our life we can learn how to communicate from watching and being in our family interactions and just our surroundings in how we grew up. We may come to see some of the habits in communication we decided to continue practicing everyday in our own lives. We may have brought this into our relationships with friends, partners and spouses. Sometimes we learn new ways of communicating from our marriages and intimate relationships as well that add additional learned skills that we come to recognize may not be very healthy to continue. When we can recognize the habits we have built into our everyday life we can then realize we have a choice to change those habits within our self if they no longer make us feel good.
So, whether communication and opening up comes more natural to you or not at this point in your life, the practice is to just put yourself out there and open up. Yes….I’m saying the words EGO does not want to hear. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and don’t protect from what MAY (EGO) happen if you open up and talk about how you truly feel. The more you keep protecting and avoiding, you will keep building walls that keeps everyone out.
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.
The second best time is now.”
I do love a great tree quote because I love trees and you guessed it, apply that wonderful old Chinese proverb to communication and opening up to the people around you and the best time is now. No Past. No Future. No Excuses. No Fear. There is only NOW.
And when I say opening up I don’t mean you are the only one doing all the talking. That means opening up to want to hear what the other person has to say. Opening up to want to know their desires. Opening up to experience how you are giving your attention to their thoughts, ideas, adventures they want to take and opening yourself up to asking questions that engage the conversation to continue. Opening up is about opening up to the flow between each other. What happens to the water when flow only goes one way and there is a dam at the other end that isn’t open? The flow is blocked.
So, maybe I can give you a starting point for times when you may not be in space to know what to ask but you do know you want to understand your relationship and where it’s at and where it’s going with the person on the other end of your question. If you go into these questions with love and the space of truly listening to your partner, not interrupting or being defensive and allowing them to express themselves, you may learn a lot about them and yourself by truly being there for them, totally engaged in what you are receiving. Even if they are not in that same loving space. Some conversations may not be easy to hear what each other has to say. And some conversations won’t have flow. But that is part of opening up too. You have to choose who you want to be. Do you want to continue building that wall of protection or do you want to break through the wall to be open, be true, authentic and connect to allow those conversations to flow wherever they take you to?
Even if you’ve been together years, people can change everyday. Part of a healthy relationship is not assuming you know someone after a certain period of time and you stop asking. Instead, being curious about them whether it has been 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years…50 years later.
Perhaps one or all of these questions will help start a conversation that if you allow, will flow exactly where it was meant to be. We are constantly changing…and if we aren’t, well…then…that is whole other post to write about.
How Does Our Relationship Make You Feel?
How Do You Like To Spend The Holidays?
Where Are Some Of The Places You Would Like To Move?
What Are Some Things That Are Important To You In a Partner?
Is There Something You Would Like To Do Together With Me?
