I wrote this letter to a dear friend in 2015 as I walked through a moment of self reflection on my journey. I have learned many lessons along this path and one that rings crystal clear now is that we do not have to choose to be alone or go through our experiences alone. We can we reach out to others and help each other by sharing experiences. So perhaps this will resonate with you, and perhaps not. Perhaps you have found your way here to read this to help someone else who will be a part of your journey. Know that you are not alone and do not have to choose to be. Be willing to completely open your heart regardless of a reaction and allow the moment to be what it is. The universe will thank you for your open heart and you will continue to grow.
2015 ~ You asked to read my writing. This is not one of my books but it is a piece of my heart written in this moment that I want to share with you. The flow right now is that I cannot have conversations in person with you. So, my communication is to write and hope that you are still interested in reading because I am not afraid to share. And I care about you and I care about you being on my spiritual journey. You help me grow.
I searched within after our conversation last Friday. What was my lesson? You were in the state only you know but in my being I was feeling things during our talk and after I asked myself questions.
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Why did I feel defensiveness from you?
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Why did it bother me so much that you thought I was in a place of “not asking you for help or all I have to do is just tell you that I was having a rough time”?
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Why did I feel like you was not connecting with my heart but instead only listening with your mind?
The questions within brought me back to this…Ego. I will continue practicing not allowing Ego to participate in my life. It is true at a point in my life I would have waited for someone to ask me what was wrong…if everything is OK because my BEing was in a state of lack. I had a Lack of worth, love, and acceptance and was placing judgment on myself. Now I know what it means to say to someone in my healthy, loving state that it doesn’t matter what state of BEing anyone thinks I am in. What matters is that I know my Being and where I am now. I no longer need to justify or convince anyone of my awareness as my knowing within is grounded in truth and love. I do not seek externally for abundance. Being hurt, defensive or offended in a conversation is EGO’s way of trying to create control while source has become disconnected to the authenticity and pureness of Love. So, I understand the lesson and affirmations of where I am and will continue to practice walking in conscious awareness. My thoughts, feelings and reactions are mine to own and only I allow what flows and breathes in and out of my life. The act of flowing is essential to my life.
Deepak talked of Contracted and Expanded Awareness which I can now quantify as I have walked in both. I understand and feel the difference and my questions helped me reaffirm within my being these thoughts and feelings:
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Allow all moments to be as they are. Nothing ever needs changed
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To want our SELF or anyone in our life to do more or less is a reflection of healing within for self acceptance and self judgment. Acceptance in all moments allows flow and removes Ego from calling up past moments attached to judgment and future moments created in fear.
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Being present in the now is all that matters.
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We play like we practice. Whether that’s music, sports or spirituality. The things we do not practice we will not grow in. Communication is not an automatic skill. We learn how to communicate from what we watched growing up and what we absorb in our environment whether healthy or not. Practicing healthy communication is part of growth. I choose to give, Receive and authentically be present and engage. We live like we practice.
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It’s not about waiting to ask for me. I have expanded to a higher vibration and that thought does not exist. I choose to ask and speak at any moment. It is now about flow and being present in relationships. Communication is a practice that unless thoughts and patterns and our environment we place ourselves in change from lack to abundance on how we give and receive, the Ego will continue to show up.
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Listening, talking, and engaging with only truth and love. Creating a beautiful flow of thoughts and feelings back and forth with no fear. That is what makes me feel good and where I am in my life.
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It has nothing to do with you or anyone else and everything to do with what I want and choose to allow in my life. As it should be. That keeps the heart authentically connected to source and the path truthful in every step. Nothing external has the power to direct my choices and my life unless I let it. This takes courage and practice in self-love and self-compassion every day.
I found comfort in Deepak’s words below because what I was trying to express when I said it’s not about me having to ask. It has nothing to do with asking for help or telling you I need a friend. It has everything to do with talking without defensive reactions and feeling the flow when two people are consciously aware and present in each other’s lives. It’s a natural communication with no fear and only love and truth to help each other grow.
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“Owning your own feelings, rather than blaming them on someone else, is the mark of a person who has moved from contracted to expanded awareness.”
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“If you are able to examine your state of awareness, these five elements will emerge. Perceptions; Beliefs; Assumptions; Expectations; Feelings. When someone is truly self-aware, you can ask them a direct question about how they feel, what their assumptions are, what they expect from you, and how their core beliefs are being affected. In response you won’t get a defensive reaction. You’ll be told the truth.” 
Level 1: Contracted awareness
This is the level of problems, obstacles, and struggle. Answers are limited. Fear contributes to a sense of confusion and conflict. Efforts to reach a solution meet with frustration. You keep doing more of what didn’t work in the first place. If you remain at this level, you will be frustrated and exhausted.
Level 2: Expanded awareness
This is the level where solutions begin to appear. There is less struggle. Obstacles are easier to overcome. Your vision extends beyond the conflict, giving you more clarity. Negative energies are confronted realistically. With greater expansion, unseen forces come to your aid. You move forward according to what you desire from your life. 
When I accept things as they are many doors of truth open up to walk through. I choose to look at everything as opportunities over the last four years because of choices I made in alignment with my heart. I chose to create a space in an environment of expanded awareness full of Acceptance, Love, Compassion, Joy. I now understand and know the difference between living in Contracted and Expanded Awareness. I have created the experiences in both.
Every moment I have shared with you, I have been exactly me. To love someone without condition is a beautiful thing. And first that starts within. I could not have done more or less in any of those moments because it was who I was in each moment. I understand the love and divine perfection in that now. To accept that in others is to accept that in ourselves first. I love you for who you are in every moment. To try and force the moment or you to be anything other than what you choose is Ego based. Deepak seemed to keep turning up in my search within last week to help me grow. I thought this was really beautiful…“If there is one piece of practical wisdom, it is this: Life is constantly recycling itself and evolving at the same time. This must be true of your own life, then. When you can see that all your struggles and frustrations have kept you from joining the flow of evolution, you have the best reason to stop struggling. I am inspired by a famous Indian sage who taught that life is like a river flowing between the two banks of pain and suffering. Everything runs perfectly when we stay in the river, but we insist on grasping at pain and suffering as we pass them, as if the banks offer us safety and shelter. Life flows from within itself, and seizing on any kind of rigid or fixed position is contrary to life. The more you let go, the more your true self can express its desire to evolve. Once the process is under way, everything changes. Inner and outer worlds reflect each other without confusion or conflict. Because solutions now arise from the level of the soul, they meet no resistance. All your desires lead to the result that is best for you and your surroundings. In the end, happiness is based on reality, and nothing is more real than change and evolution. It is with the hope that everyone can find a way to leap into the river.”
Communication happens in many forms. A touch, a glance, a conversation across the table, a heartfelt letter, a message sent from one soul to another soul, a dream, a whisper from the trees…My last lesson was that I was so focused on the importance of being present physically to communicate that I lost site of the balance of all forms of communication with you. Practicing in all forms and expressing to those we care about and love beyond measure is important to me. You are important to me. Thank you for helping me grow.
Love Always,
