I recently heard someone say, “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” And my question to that would be, “but what if that other side is a stepping stone to get you where you want to be?”
Today, it got me thinking even more about what that phrase even means and why do I get a case of the ick’s when I hear someone say it?
So, where did that phrase even come from? According to ChatGPT, it is thought to originate from ancient proverbs and literary expressions that convey the idea that people often perceive others’ situations as better than their own, even when that may not be true.
- Early Roots in Latin
A similar idea appeared in Latin poet Ovid’s works (43 BC–17 AD), specifically in Ars Amatoria (“The Art of Love”), where he wrote about how “the harvest is always more fruitful in another man’s fields.” While not identical, the sentiment reflects human tendency to idealize what others have. - Development in English
The modern version of the phrase began taking shape in the 19th and early 20th centuries. It was influenced by the adage “the grass is always greener over the fence” and became widely popularized as “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” - 20th-Century Usage
By the mid-20th century, the phrase became common in English-speaking countries, used as a reminder that appearances can be deceptive and that one’s own situation might not be as bad as it seems when compared to others.
While this phrase captures a universal truth about contentment and perspective, for me the case of the ick’s comes when it is used not necessarily for healthy contemplation and perspective but instead for a good ole fashioned “I told you so” AFTER the fact. Or how about a conversation that comes with a healthy dose of projection from the people that are supposed to be rooting in our corner, but they generously offer this so-called comforting phrase, usually projecting on us their fears and with good intention (in their minds) to protect us instead of injecting a healthy dose of en-COURAGE-ment our way.
A little FYI…fear is never a good intention if it keeps us held in toxic relationships of any kind. That phrase with fear attached whether from our own mind or anyone else keeping us from seeking healthier things, is a recipe for deflating that soufflé every time, no matter how well intended.
This brings me to my recent Retirement experience and a great moment of reflection for me. Is the grass greener on this side of my choice? I must admit some days I have questioned this side of the pasture, and I am sure there are people that might have this phrase ready to easily roll off their tongue without a second thought in relation to my choice.
But my contemplative questions about the grass have NOTHING to do with me thinking I should have stayed where I was in a seemingly comfortable (only because I was good at my job) and toxic environment. The questioning is entirely because it IS uncomfortable to find your new footing on a path you have never hiked before. But it is a new, healthy environment that I now get to create and build through GRIT, PERSEVERANCE, CURIOSITY and COURAGE.
So, take inventory of all of the things in your life, whether it is intimate, family, work, friends, you get the picture, I encourage you to examine all of it closely, maybe get a little therapy mixed in (always an advocate of therapy) to see what really deserves to hold space in your life and to be a part of your circle.
And the final thought I would leave with you is this: The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side of ANY toxic relationship. Do not kid yourself and romanticize that it is all unicorns and rainbows on the other side. It is damn hard work…on yourself and every day in life choices.
But…you’ll find me on the other side…where my grass is green.