Now I know nothing is ever random, and the universe sets in motion at just the perfect times lessons for us to learn if we are open to see them and willing to listen. So, as I sat on my couch having a one-way conversation with my Crappy Childhood Fairy, I was listening intensely to everything she had to say and there it was about 5 minutes in…” Limerence”. Hmmm, I have never heard this word before. Everything she is saying to me is very relatable and now I am even more dialed in, curious to know what this unfamiliar word means. It was like I was in the movie theater and as she kept talking, the theater lights were starting to dim in sync with her words until the trailers were over and theater went black. The curtains slid outward to full screen, and the Dolby IMAX surround sound started playing all round me the movie of my life with a compilation of musical scores…Pride and Prejudice, the Notebook, Titanic and switching to an Avengers movie here and there pumping through the sound system in my brain. The surround sound was hitting certain points in my life and the driving force of the subwoofer bass shaking my insides at certain moments to pinpoint just where Limerence had touched my life. I had a name for it now and everything she was saying made sense.
Anna Runkle is known as the Crappy Childhood Fairy. I have added her to my playlist in the last couple of years to learn more about her experiences and how they resonate with me. She is not a doctor or therapist…just someone who has been through it and helps you understand in such a relatable way, why you may feel or act the way you do when you may have had some bumps along the way in your childhood. LIMERENCE: Hiding Your Feelings to Keep Your Fantasy “Safe” – YouTube
I love my parents and I know they made the choices they did with the tools they had. Self-Healing is not about throwing your Parents or anyone for that matter under the bus, but instead wanting to understand and heal from some of the choices they made that impacted my life. Examining how I may have continued to keep living my life in unhealthy ways based on the environments I was in. I chose to really challenge myself about 10 years ago and examine how I was living based on what I had been taught verbally and nonverbally as truth growing up. I wanted to go on a journey of self-exploration to be accountable for my life and choices and start setting boundaries according to how I choose to live to be the best version of myself. To be as healthy as I could and can be for my daughter, my family, my friendships and for the collective consciousness.
I am at a place now where I can be open about my life experiences. I believe that not only helps us individually but opens the door for others to feel safer to open about their experiences from our show of vulnerability. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable truly unlocks experiences that may be tucked away inside and starts a journey toward self-healing. I can also tell you that I could not have opened like this with anyone in the beginning and it has taken choices, time, practice every day, courage, and desire to change to get to where I am today.
This is not an overnight process…it is a Lifelong Practice.
This video was powerful for me. Anna says in here, there could be many out there that can relate to what “Jim” is going through, and I am one of them. The letter was written from a Man but however you identify in life, just put yourself in the shoes of this letter and see what speaks to you. I learned more about myself and how Limerence played a part in my life, and I also recognize all the work I have done to know that the exit to the Land of Limerence currently has a road closure sign and I will continue to do the work to keep it that way.
On a final note, about this journey of exploration and healing. Having a trusted friend that holds a safe space for you to confide in is an important part of healing. Sometimes we may not have a safe friend or family member in which we can confide. Or maybe just starting out we cannot even recognize who is healthy for us and who isn’t, even in our own circle of friends or family. So, do not feel ashamed, ever, to seek out outside resources. There are resources now that you do not even have to leave your house to talk to someone. www.Betterhelp.com is one of those resources. I am not being paid by them to mention the website. I have used them and just passing along a resource. I wanted to also include the link to Anna’s Blog if you want to get to know her story and the resources she also offers. About – The Crappy Childhood Fairy
