…she heard the faint crack again of eggshells under her feet. It seemed everyday to get a little louder and the clarity of the once muffled sound was clear enough for her to not ignore the sharp echo in that crackle with every step she took. It was so eerily familiar to her but she had refused to acknowledge anything but the love she so freely gave with little reciprocity no matter the cost to her heart. She could feel it settling in her soul. The feeling that is indescribable but you just know that your spirit for life is being slowly siphoned out of your body and given away to fuel anothers burning desire to tear you down. There were moments that she experienced glimpses of softness and surrender that she could equate to a most beautiful feeling of being drenched in a silky, exotic scented lotion that was supposed to feed her body but instead what was drinking up her skin and sinking deeper and deeper, was a toxic mix of mental anguish and physical pain now gnawing at her bones and eating away her soul. Her vision came back to a time when she had lived inside what she imagined as this ring of fire that she had fearlessly stepped through and out of with wounds and burns that could only be seen from the inside. Had she somehow now been enchanted with the notion that the flame was different this time? The years she tirelessly took, by choice, grinding step by step, with courage, to heal those open wounds still allowed her to love deeply and hope lured her back in with all of the warmth and magic of the flickering flame. It’s only a tiny ember that touched my soul…it was but a faint, tiny, split second hot ember. Barely even a red glow before it was but a speck of dust on my heart. I am safe inside this ring of fire. It is warm, enchanting, beautiful, safe, exciting, and hopeful. Wait…there is that ember again popping out of the fire to land on my heart and this time felt a little hotter. I can see the red glow take longer to burn out as it leaves its mark on my heart. But it won’t happen again. I am safe inside this ring of fire. Again…a loud pop from the wood fueling the words and actions with a target aimed right for her heart and she felt this ember burn with the hotness and the familiarity of a life long ago. The darkness is setting in, the air is getting dense and it is getting hard to breathe. What am I doing in here again? I did the work…I did the healing…Why am I here again? You do not need to ask why. It sounded like her voice answering the thoughts that were silently rampaging through her mind but there was nothing in the empty darkness that surrounded her. You are a burning flame and from within you have walked through life with courage and as your own formidable force. Become one with that and keep walking through. This is only a moment and you need not ask for rain to pour down out of the heavens and drench this ring of fire to be a companion in courage. You can see the way through again with your light. It shines eternal from within. Your light may have flickered but it never extinguished. Your choices everyday in consciousness and practicing love within have brought you here, to be able to know and see what healthy feels like when your flame has started to dim. You know you can see yourself as a light you are to yourself and the world. You know the past does not define who you are unless you let it. You get to choose how to step through each moment. It is what you choose right now that propels your next moment. Know that everything you are comes from within and that being is full of magical stardust from the universe and radiates love that rivals the power of the sun from embracing and loving everything about you. Wish those well who cannot or do not choose to love you in return with that same magic and force of nature because they do not have it within their soul to love the same way…and then let them go. You are pure love and nothing less. Remember this…that every being is not harmful and you must continue to keep your heart open and stay true to your heart. Do not be guarded in love or life for that will swallow your flame. You cannot live in fear and be in love at the same time. You must choose love…always. Continue to live life, live fearlessly, live in love, live consciously…and grow. The room felt lighter. The soft glow of the light in the room was met with clarity as if they were reaching out to hold hands to be comforted by the clean crispness in the air. The boldness, compassion and love for herself flooded back into her being and she softly spoke…
Just be me…remember…I get to choose. And she did.
