By the time she looked over he was already half way to the stop sign. She watched him brake only for a moment for oncoming traffic and then felt her insides wrench into knots and her being become numb watching him drive away without hesitation to disappear around the curve while she stood there. There was only busyness of noise and chaos around her in this moment as she felt encapsulated in another world. It seemed like a long time she was standing there and as she came to notice the world again her moment of feeling very alone soon shifted into a crazy, romantic notion that she told herself as to the reason why he drove off so quickly. He was speeding away because he was going to try and surprise her and be waiting for her in her driveway! That had to be it. He’s done this kind of thing before and he wanted to show her he would be waiting for her. That’s what she kept telling herself as she drove with a hope she didn’t want to believe was empty. But she already had a feeling about a vehicle in the driveway waiting. She caught herself physically shaking her head and saying “No” out loud in moments on the drive. Saying no out loud enforced her refusal to believe in the emptiness of that space and continue to cling to the romantic, hallmark notion with every mile that turned closer to home. She knew he hadn’t slowed down to wait for her as he had sometimes done while driving because she hadn’t caught up with him during the drive. That instilled even more hope into this crazy notion. That means he must be there. The closer she got to the house, the faster her heart started beating. Did she really want to know or would she rather just circle around town for a few hours to delay. The idea of being in traffic for two more hours was not something she wanted to entertain and if her hopefulness was truth she did not want to delay a single second to get home. So, as she made her way off the main road and turned down her street instead of going faster, she started to slow down coming to the hill that would show truth once she made her way over that. With every ounce of imagination she tried to conjure the shape of a vehicle in her driveway…but…with a deep breath in and a longing exhale out the truth was presented with clarity. Nothing. Why did she do this to herself? Slowly rolling into the driveway as the whole world around her seemed to be in slow motion to allow the empty space to linger, she shifted the car into park, turned it off and sat quietly reflecting on what just happened. Between his choices and hers, this was a moment that didn’t need words or explanation. She knew what it meant and it was delivered with unmistakable clarity.
Surrender.
