A Thank You Note To Ego

Dearest Ego~

I am writing this to you with love as you and I have spent many days together and I feel it only right that I express to you how I feel since you have played such a big part in my life and journey.  I was comfortable with our relationship for so many years and when I looked in the mirror I easily recognized who I was with you by my side.  We built a great life together and I lived it well.  You felt like you had to help protect me, keep me from harm, failure, humiliation, pain and suffering.   It was out of your fear that you wanted to protect me from getting hurt and I know you did not do that maliciously.  I must tell you that I am changing.  I have started to notice that I look different in the mirror now.  I even have this feeling inside now that I don’t really want that old familiar reflection to look back at me anymore.  But I do feel a little lost with who I am changing into now because the familiar things I’m used to are slowly fading away.  I must thank you for the moments that we still meet for coffee or a drink and we briefly rekindle our once vibrant connection but those moments are fading as well and our talks just are not the same.

I have started meeting with someone you may be familiar with.  Someone who is not afraid to live, dream and explore. Someone you didn’t intentionally keep me from but by keeping me protected and wrapped in your cocoon I could not see the other world that existed outside of your safeguard.  I believed and listened to you every time when you told me I was not enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not strong enough, not good enough.  I listened when you said you can not do that, you can not be what you dream to be, you can not accomplish the goals that you have set for yourself.  Sometimes you even told me I was being crazy or irrational.  You told me, stay where you are because it is safe and secure.  Your words were what I knew to ring true and I trusted you.  Well, this someone I have been seeing has a different outlook on life and sees through a different set of eyes.  There is wonder in those eyes and encouragement in that voice.   My eyes are starting to change now too and I see how life can be  joyful and happy without limitations and sacrifice.  I am feeling things inside me that I haven’t felt in years or maybe even ever.  These are wonderful feelings fueling my desires and it makes me a little anxious because this isn’t what I am used to.  The Someone I am meeting with told me maybe next time you and I meet I can tell you this…

I know you’re trying to protect me from a future pain that you think is coming. I love and appreciate your desire to protect me, but there is no need. I will not dwell in fear.

You may have already guessed that this someone I am referring to is…LOVE.  Yes, I have been meeting with love.  Love has given me so many moments of peace, joy, comfort, passion, truth, courage and answers I had been searching for.  I am grateful for what you brought my life in that cocoon.  I am also grateful now that I chose to break open the cocoon to allow myself to meet love and start experiencing new thoughts and feelings.  Love has shared with me in our talks that there is nothing to do, no right questions to ask or to seek, no perfect moment before I can act in love and in my truth.  There is only love which accepts me exactly as I am in all moments and assures me the answers are all within me.  Love told me that I do know who I am, that I am enough in every moment, that I am full of love and I can choose to live in love in any moment.  And I am starting to believe it.

So, I want to truly thank you for everything you taught me.  For if you not had walked by my side, I would not be able to have such beautiful conversations with love now.  I may not meet with you as often as we did and it may be that it might be years before we speak again.  But I wish you well and I understand now our relationship had a beautiful purpose as well.   I want you to know that there is another place that exists with love and infinite possibilities.   Love is helping me find my way back to my heart to see and feel those possibilities.  I must continue to meet with love now on my journey.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. —Anais Nin