COMMITTED

The word “committed”.  What is the definition?  Dictionary.com lists a few definitions as this:

• “To bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge”

• “To entrust, especially for safekeeping; commend”

What does it mean to you to commit to something?  What does it mean to society, your parents, your friends, and different generations?  What is the shift in “BEing committed” to something and yourself?

Committed to certain generations may be defined by reaching a very high number in anniversary years.   Perhaps you at one time have congratulated a married couple who has told you they just celebrated their 30, 40, or 50 year anniversary with, “Wow, that is fantastic!  Congratulations!” in a celebratory cheer for this achievement.  I know I have used those celebratory words on more than one occasion.  And while I do believe that is a wonderful and beautiful achievement, my consciousness in my congratulations in those moments were more attached to an old belief system only reveling in the triumph of the number of years they have been together.  My reaction was focused on them not quitting the obligation or pledge that was made.  How do I react now?  Well, now in my conscious awareness I have also come to stop and reflect in a new consciousness within my being and silently ask myself was the relationship supportive and did they grow together?  Did they choose to also honor within themselves during those years a commitment to their own heart and their own truths as well in the relationship?  Or was it just the obligation they committed to not break.   Is it really fantastic if they stayed together in that marriage no matter the cost to the heart, soul and well being within their own being?   I chose to stay committed for a long time at the cost of my own Being.  I had conversations with myself and I remember telling myself…”Everyone has rough times, right?  And you don’t give up.  Because you made a vow, a pledge, an obligation to someone else until death do you part.”  A belief system that you may been taught growing up or heard and seen in your family environment or around others.  But what about the vow and obligation to yourself.  To not give up on you?  Somehow, your SELF can get lost when we focus on the committment to our partner or others around us that we have obligated our SELF to take care of.  We slow down and eventually stop committing to take care of our SELF.   You  may of had that belief and you don’t even realize it.   Perhaps it was suggested that you were being selfish if you ever thought of your needs first?  Well, I have learned through my experiences and now through conscious awareness and waking up that walking in love must start with the SELF before you can truly commit to others.

I had attachments to limiting beliefs once upon a time and I did lose myself.  It led me to choices based in lack and I allowed myself to stay in those beliefs.  I was compassionate, caring, loving, supportive in every way I could be in my relationships.  The difference was I was giving my being away.  I continued to commit to everyone else as the hairline cracks in my heart were slowly leaking and depleting the love I also should have been committing to myself as well.  Over time, I wasn’t even recognizable anymore, was numb and confused as to who I even was.   I had thoughts that there was not way I could I even consider divorce knowing what I experienced and now that I had a child how could I do to her what had been done to me?  No, I was not quitting because most of my life I saw the landscape around me churn with affirmations that you do not quit once  you have committed to something and I am supposed to keep trying and trying.  Especially after you had made a marriage vow.  I carried with me into adulthood beliefs about commitment and consciously I wasn’t even aware of it.  It wasn’t until I had an encounter one day that turned the awareness light bulb on that started shifting me into starting to believe little by little, while I was in an unhealthy marriage that I deserved to be happy in my heart.  I started to remember me.  I started to remember my SELF and slowly started to reflect within my own heart.  The beliefs I had been carrying inside me whether passed to me by family, my environment or societal beliefs just didn’t feel good anymore.  So, taking small steps over the course of several years, this shift in realizing I was worth being happy and being loved for who I was and not who everyone thought I should be took me on a new journey.

The shift in the definition of the word “committed” started changing for me and I didn’t even consciously realize that’s what was happening.  I just knew with everything in my being that I wanted to choose a different path.  To find me again.  To take a journey to look inside me to feel change and a life the felt happy. I wanted something different for my life and to teach my daughter healthy comittment. I started becoming committed to me.  Committed to my SELF.  To look within instead of out there somewhere for anything anymore.

What does committed mean to me now?  Now that I have walked many steps toward my SELF, it means commitment within to my heart, my truth.  The commitment to Love myself first.  That is the only way to have a healthy, connected relationship with anyone else.

I have heard these phrases since I started this new journey and maybe you have heard them too.  “The kids these days just don’t know commitment anymore like we do”.  Or “Everyone is divorced and they just don’t know what commitment is or how to stay committed anymore.”  Or perhaps this one, “You made a vow for better or worse and that’s what you are supposed to do.  You stay together”  Well, I respect their belief and send them a silent blessing and love.   They have walked through their own experiences and that is their truth.  But my definition has expanded in consciousness and commitment is much more than just saying I kept my obligation, pledge or vow.  Not all of your friends or family will understand or from their perspective agree with your choice or choices on your path.  But in taking steps towards your SELF within and commitment to you, you will also understand that it is no longer about the people around you approving of your choices.  What matters is that you feel healthy within and you are choosing from your space, not anyone else’s beliefs.

The shift in the energy is the awakening of many hearts searching for the knowing within.  Starting to shift the energy and waking up inside our SELFs to know the truth only lies within our own heart and that to ignore the call from our own heart is no longer helping ourselves or humanity grow.  So, I ask again.  What is your definition of commitment in this moment?  When you reflect on your life up to the this point, how have your experiences in life charted your path based on your commitment to your SELF and not only the obligation to others.  What have you given up within you and what will you choose to commit to each day after this?

I have experienced from my own choices the journey in the limiting beliefs of committing to living in a sea of turbulence trying to do everything in my power to keep an unhealthy marriage together.  I stayed attached to external beliefs for years before the internal light came on within my heart to shine through that little opening in the door.  I kept slowly opening that door to continue to let more light in and I kept making different choices to break the past beliefs that I carried within.   Choosing to walk towards myself and love myself made me realize no vow, when filled  with unhealthy energy, was worth keeping to carry out expectations outside of my own heart any longer.  And what would the people around me think?  Or my family think?  You know that crossed my mind in taking these courageous steps back towards loving me.  Well, guess what?  The people that truly loved me and wanted to still be in my life, didn’t even have the thoughts that I should stay in my marriage because I made a vow.  True love cares for you in loving you for you.   Love doesn’t have to be right or have an agenda or approve of your choices.  It accepts your truth and loves you for it.  That was another beautiful realization in following my truth as well.  The people, friends, and family that are healthy for you will love you for the choices YOU make.  Not for the choices you make for THEM.  My definition of commitment now feels good.  It feels healthy, happy, and content and I know it is the truth.  The commitment I chose was to myself.

So, that meant I chose to divorce my husband.  Everyone chooses their own path and I know that to divorce your husband or wife does not mean you were not committed to the relationship. And if you had children in that marriage it does not mean you permanently damaged your children and were never committed to being a family.  Those thoughts were part of an old belief system that I let go of.  It has been a healing, conscious journey for myself and my daughter to experience love instead of being surrounded by lack, fear and judgment.  I had to walk the through the process of forgiving myself as well because I knew I was accountable as well for creating the dynamic of the relationship in the marriage and contributing to that lack by choosing to stay in an unhealthy situation.  I have now surrounded her with words and situations that carry an energy of love that life is meant to be joyful, alive, and full of fun and love.

Staying in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of staying “committed” can teach our children from our words or lack of and our actions we have with our spouses or partners another set of life skills as well.  It can teach lack, separation, mistrust, to withdraw, shy away from love and not feel self worth, self love or self acceptance.

At the moment you met and started your relationship, you had many experiences with this person.  It may have been the most perfect relationship or you may have known then that it wasn’t right but stayed in the relationship anyway.  Either situation grows through the years and whether it started out with perfect love and lasted for several years or you already knew from the beginning you shouldn’t be in the relationship, those moments were perfect as well and it doesn’t mean anything was right or wrong.  It means that at some point you may have decided to awaken to your own heart and start committing to you.  You may have started asking your self questions about what is important to you in your heart that could take some courage to walk through.  And that can change the relationship you knew from day you were married, whatever state you started in.

I have known people who were married 2, 3, 5, 10, 18, 30 plus years and then decided to get divorced.  Life changes and through the course of relationships, people change.  You grow together, you grow apart, and you experience people, places and things that change your life along the way.  And yes, that happens when you are married.

Society can still be judgmental about divorce.  I have experienced walking through that judgment as well but I am encouraged by the number of awakened hearts that counter that judgment with non judgmental thoughts and are choosing to shift the alignment of energy to just LOVE.  People can try to find a reason or fault with someone or something as to what happened or why it happened.  To place blame and try and reason why something happened is the EGO’s way of trying to control and make sense in the mind what the heart already knows is very simple.  It is simple.  You awaken to LOVE.  It is as simple as a path to LOVING yourself and each step will take you in the direction of your truth.

Truth Changes.  We change.  The truth is not always in the same direction you started when you “committed” to someone on your wedding day.  The simplicity of LOVE and TRUTH turns into a web of complicated thoughts and choices from what we may have learned from our life experiences from our parents, friends, family, religious beliefs and it takes courage to face the EGO which holds the hand of you guessed it…FEAR.   I may have been surrounded by and taught beliefs growing up but now it was my responsibility and my choice to what I would question, hang on to and let go of to be accountable for my truth.

I was ready and it took many experiences, all which were a necessary part of my journey to awaken my heart to shift.  To walk towards LOVING myself.  I can tell you that if the mountain in front of you that has gathered a lifetime of thoughts, beliefs, expectations of others, approval and acceptance that you have looked to for others, seem daunting.  Well, a little advice from personal experience is instead, look down at your feet.  Focus on one foot and take a step.  This is your step towards loving yourself.

If you just keep taking a step towards that each day to look within, have courage, accept change, let go and shift to “commit” to your own heart, you will create your own definition of what committed is to you and no longer be defined by expectations or allow judgments to pierce your heart.  You will be full of LOVE and that is what changes the world.

The people, who love you for your truth, will walk by your side with encouragement, hope, love, compassion and the flow feels good to be around them.    There may be some relationships that no longer feel good and you will know, whether family or friends that a crossroads has come to make a decision about keeping that relationship in your flow.

So, from my experience on my journey, I encourage you to just start with the question of what Commitment means to you.  Perhaps that will lead you within to reflect on your heart.  Sometimes just asking that question is the very first courageous step you take to fill you with love from within that will shine the light of your truth to guide those that are meant to be in your life and your space of love.

As Lao Tzu said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

M.A. Schmid